Thread: Comments and suggestions on this article

I'd appreciate any comments or suggestions on this article before it goes live on my undated site.

Thanks.

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I like the approach, it is simple and makes enough sense that most people will get it.
Could you break it into 2 shorter chapters?

Do you need permission to use those pics? Just a thought.

Originally Posted by John Kogel

I like the approach, it is simple and makes enough sense that most people will get it.
Could you break it into 2 shorter chapters?

Do you need permission to use those pics? Just a thought.

Nope. Took them from the street.

Sorry, in my past life I was in Journalism, so I read this with an editor's eye...

You've got two paragraphs on the first page that start with "The goal of this article..." The introductory paragraphs should state the goal without it being called out as such.

You use a lot of hyphens to separate sentence clauses. This can get confusing and can also mess with how the article is laid out in narrow columns. Better to use commas.

The pictures with the roofs might be better submitted as a sidebar (mini-article that runs alongside the main article) to keep the flow of the main article more smooth.

Good luck!

Edited to add: Sorry, I just noticed that you said the article is for your own website, not a newspaper. Most of what I said still applies, though. The roof pictures should have MUCH shorter captions if they are for the web; put the content in the article itself.


--Welmoed

Typo in third paragraph under "Picking the right problems" "select a house, they are also"
Another in sixth paragraph "start to see _ several"

Well, you get the idea, it needs a careful edit. Several run on sentences, etc.

So, the article is more about exterior features to look for. Maybe you should do a series of articles. My sense is that it is too wordy.....something that I am guilty of committing. Whenever, I write anything, I have to set it aside and comeback with a sharp knife and edit it down. Hell, I often edit these little commentaries. My two cent suggestion, is to make it more to the point. The illustrations are great and you may be able to make your points with simple captions for the photos.
Videos are really effective on websites. You might consider making a video describing these issues with photos for illustrations. But keep it under three minutes unless you are a very entertaining speaker

Lon,

You don't need a comma between "suggestion" and "is" in the third line of the third paragraph.

Thanks for all your comments, off to edit.

Originally Posted by BridgeMan

Lon,

You don't need a comma between "suggestion" and "is" in the third line of the third paragraph.

LOL, true.......spell check is pretty good, but I need punctuation check.

Michael

Good article though
Keep us updated with you next draft.