Thread: just for a smile or two

I got this in an e-mail the other day but forgot some of the details ... which do not matter to the overall affect ...

(I am making the names up as I forgot them, so just go with it.)

President Roosevelt was out in the west on one of his hunting trips and asked the famous Indian Chief Black Arrow what it was that the Chief thought the White Man did wrong.

Chief Lack Arrow thought for a minute then said to President Roosevelt "When White Man come, woman take care of tent, take care of family, watch after sheep and goat, collect wild flowers and plants to eat. Medicine Man free. Men out hunting, fishing, and making war all day. White Man thought he could improve on that?"



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What could be better?!

Ah… speaking of Indian stories I always liked the one how new born Indian children where named.

One morning a little Indian boy cornered the chief and asked him, “Chief, I understand you name all the new born babies in our tribe and I was curious as to where you got the names?

The Chief thought for a while then answered; “When a baby is born in our tribe I spend the day observing what’s happening around our camp and when I see an appropriate action I give the new baby that name. When your sister was born I saw a running deer so I named her Running Deer. When your cousin was born I saw a soaring eagle and that’s why he is called Souring Eagle.

There was a profound silence while the little boy digested what his chief had explained. Finally the chief asked with a bit of impatience, “Does that answer your question Two-Dogs-Humping?”

Since we are on Indian jokes here's my contribution

The Indian and the Bull

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun
In one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter:

"Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,
Turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
Causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere
And then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
Another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
The waiter says,

"Want coffee."

The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto!

We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday.

What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says ..

"Training for position in United States Congress:
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
Leave mess for others to clean up,
Disappear for rest of day."

Alright then, here's mine:

A politician goes to an Indian reservation to stump for votes. The folks had gathered around the center campfire, listening to the candidate. As tradition would suggest, he began his list of promises--each one followed by a resounding chorus of "Brushbingle!" from the gathered indians. With each promise, the chorus got louder and louder--"Brushbingle! BRUSHBINGLE!!

After the candidate finished, he felt elated while being walked to the car by the chief, until the chief told him "by the way, don't step in the brushbingle."

Hello Jerry,

It's been long time since I wrote anything on this tread but I need a little advice. A realtor ask me the following question reciently. I got a couple of different answers from builders in the area. I look this up in the IRC and have that info. The questions is: does a home need to have a stove to make it habitable? please advice. Thanks.

Originally Posted by William Brady

Hello Jerry,

It's been long time since I wrote anything on this tread but I need a little advice. A realtor ask me the following question reciently. I got a couple of different answers from builders in the area. I look this up in the IRC and have that info. The questions is: does a home need to have a stove to make it habitable? please advice. Thanks.

I don't get it .

Raisin Bread

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.

One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.

"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.

The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.

The man standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.

When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves, as he is "having company for dinner."

As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.

After many trips, she is tired, irritated and begins to wonder "why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"

Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below.

Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.

Thinking that she can save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?"

"No," stammers the old man, "but it's quivering a little."

Originally Posted by Rick Hurst

Raisin Bread

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.

One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.

"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.

The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.

The man standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.

When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves, as he is "having company for dinner."

As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.

After many trips, she is tired, irritated and begins to wonder "why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"

Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below.

Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.

Thinking that she can save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?"

"No," stammers the old man, "but it's quivering a little."

Originally Posted by William Brady

The questions is: does a home need to have a stove to make it habitable? please advice. Thanks.

Define "home" and "stove".

A "home" is a "dwelling unit", which by definition is: (underlining and bold are mine)
- DWELLING UNIT. A single unit providing complete independent living facilities for one or more persons, including permanent provisions for living, sleeping, eating, cooking and sanitation.

Since Mr. Brady and Jerry want to discuss "stoves" on what started out to be a humor thread, I thought I'd add my 2 cents.

The First Jump
A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go.

Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens.
He tries again. Still nothing.
He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail.
Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going UP!
Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits -- yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?" The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

Confucius say, "If you are in book store and cannot find book for which you search, you obviously in the .....

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