Thread: Stupid Client Questions

Surely you've all heard your share of dubiously valid questions from our clients, agents, et al. You know, like the standards: "Would you buy this house?", or "How would you rate this house on a scale from one to ten?", "When will the water heater start leaking?", that sort of drivel.

What are your favorite stupid questions?

Aaron

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This was from an agent, not a client.

"What does a water heater do?"

Client,

Is this the Preeminent Home Inspector? Please come out and find the 10 or more

Significant defects my cut-rate home inspector missed.

After a long and somewhat difficult inspection of what I thought should be a “scrape” I was doing my verbal summary for my less than attentive husband of a mid twenties yuppie couple (husband on cell phone the entire inspection) and was in the middle of explaining to the wife and their agent that the roof was absolute garbage and in several places I could see into the attic, the electric system was modified by a moron and needed a complete evaluation and redo by an licensed electrical contractor, much of the galvanized water supply piping was corroded beyond repair, a number of the cast iron drain lines where leaking, and the concrete foundation support system showed visual evidence of failure in pretty much every section and would have to be replaced when he stopped in the middle of his phone call and asked, “What I want to know is will the house take a second story?” The agent, the guy’s wife and I all turned away and started walking towards our cars as he stood there and whined, “What’s wrong?”

The other dumb question we have all been asked, “Would you buy this house?” How many times have you wanted to reply, “Do I look stupid?”

My favorite is after you have gone over all the major defects that anyone else would have just packed it up and said lets move on, they ask

1. Whats the 1 most important thing here that needs repair?

2. Would you buy this home?

3. And my all time favorite, I've always wanted to be a Home Inspector, what do i gotta do to get started? Are you hiring?

Broker, Age 65, in business for over 40 years, In the basement, client upstairs. I say to the broker. You told them about the asbestos right? " Oh is that what Asbestos looks like" Tooey, another poor 1st time homebuyer misinformed by an unethical broker.

I had one ask me what a fenestration specialist was.

did you defrenestrate her?

More of a statement than a question from the buyer's agent:

Agent to me - "I've been selling real estate for 20 years and have never heard of you".

Me to agent - "Well then you and I have something in common.......I've never heard of your either".

Realtor:

"Can you go easy on this one?"

Buyer:

"Can you convince my wife that we do no want to buy this house, please?"

Picture a Joan Rivers-like woman walking up the driveway with a cigarette dangling from her mouth. With a raspy voice, she asks "does this house have asbestos?"

Is she worried about... lung cancer?

Originally Posted by Rick Hurst

My favorite is after you have gone over all the major defects that anyone else would have just packed it up and said lets move on, they ask

1. Whats the 1 most important thing here that needs repair?

2. Would you buy this home?

3. And my all time favorite, I've always wanted to be a Home Inspector, what do i gotta do to get started? Are you hiring?

#3 reminds me of what a Realtor informed me. You guys got it made! You go into a house, get paid and report what you see and your done. I should be a home inspector. Then I ask what he did before he was a Realtor? Response was that he still teaches 8th grade Math.

I always like this one. Buyers Realtor calls me up saying that what I report as being wrong is incorrect. I ask who they had look at it. The Realtor informs me it was the sellers father. I inform the buyers Realtor that he's probably the one that installed it wrong.

This happened once. Double tap on breaker number 8. Correction is needed. Go back for the re inspection (yes I do re inspections) and the double tap on number 8 is corrected. Now there is a double tap on breaker number 6. The seller informs me that he only needed to correct breaker #8 as I reported.

One more.

Realtor lets me in for the inspection and informs me that I shouldn't find anything wrong because it's a nice looking house.

Sorry, these are more statements than questions.

Originally Posted by Billy Stephens

Client,

Is this the Preeminent Home Inspector? Please come out and find the 10 or more

Significant defects my cut-rate home inspector missed.

Billy:

This is he. And who might you be?

Is this no-ASHI-NAHI-NACHI-affiliation-and-no-ICC-certification-Billy-from-Memphis? Thought so. If you were in my vicinity you wouldn't have to ask the question.

My reputation preceeds me . . . Pick a fight with someone who's concerned with your woof . . . But, this was a great example of a stupid question!

Sit back on your porch and pick that banjo, boy.

Aaron

As I'm pulling up to the inspection a very attractive agent gets out of her Beamer Z8 doing her very best "limo photo op" impersonation and without any introductions blurts out, "I haven't had a sale in a while what will it take to get a clean report?"

She wasn't even a natural blond, go figure.

Originally Posted by BARRY ADAIR

As I'm pulling up to the inspection a very attractive agent gets out of her Beamer Z8 doing her very best "limo photo op" impersonation and without any introductions blurts out, "I haven't had a sale in a while what will it take to get a clean report?"

She wasn't even a natural blond, go figure.

Barry:

I've heard that one before couched in several different ways. The more expensive the house the less artful the phrasing of the question seems to be. In fact, in the Park Cities (for the unknowing, the most expensive part of Dallas where agent commissions begin at $15,000 per sale) it has been developed into more or less a regal command. Obedience is assumed.

Some of our brethren, like one I will call Sam the Sham (you will know whom I mean here), have practiced this dance so often with the agents in this area that the choreography is flawless. The question simply never even has to be asked.

Last week I inspected a new 3-story townhouse near the river downtown. You know the type for young yuppies who love the modern loft-like look with too many flights of stairs. Sam the Sham had inspected it in July resulting in a 5-page (and that's the length of the Texas required report when blank) minimalist memento indicating that all was well.

Besides the facts that the roof was leaking into three rooms, the post-tension tendons had not been trimmed but buried under mulch, the pine siding was not stained or painted, the stucco was installed improperly, the water pressure was 120 psi, etc., etc. and 37 pages later, Sam was absolutely right! This was not a fluke. I'v seen at least fifty of his reports over the years, all with the same results.

Aaron

[quote=Aaron Miller;18502]Billy

This is he. And who might you be?

Is this no-ASHI-NAHI-NACHI-affiliation-and-no-ICC-certification-Billy-from-Memphis?

Sit back on your porch and pick that banjo, boy


Reply,
Thanks for the plug. Thats me no purchased coupons. No banjo but I do like to sit back on the porch.

Originally Posted by Kevin Luce

Double tap on breaker number 8. Correction is needed. Go back for the re inspection (yes I do re inspections) and the double tap on number 8 is corrected. Now there is a double tap on breaker number 6. The seller informs me that he only needed to correct breaker #8 as I reported.

I would say that's a rather excellent reason to report multiple taps ... period ... without specifying which breaker they are on.

There are many examples of the above in which to much specificity is stated in the report, leading to ... what you showed - the seller *ONLY* addressing what was specified.

I always tell HIs to *list* what is wrong, i.e.,: multiple taps on breakers, grounds and neutrals in same terminals, missing knock out(s), etc., not which breakers, not which ground terminals, and not where (not 'missing knock out on bottom'). Then, state something to the effect of: have electrical contractor correct all which is found incorrect, including the above, other things they find incorrect, and other things they do incorrectly. It is surprising how often they do things incorrectly (NOT *surprising*) and then the HI is later accused of having missed those items - no, those items 'were created during the repair'.

Originally Posted by Aaron Miller

(for the unknowing, the most expensive part of Dallas where agent commissions begin at $15,000 per sale)

Most of the lower end homes I used to inspect, the commission began at $45,000, most of my market was in the $180,000 commission range, with much of my market going to over $0.5 mil ... for the commission.

Originally Posted by Jerry Peck

Most of the lower end homes I used to inspect, the commission began at $45,000, most of my market was in the $180,000 commission range, with much of my market going to over $0.5 mil ... for the commission.

Jerry:

So then, assuming that you understand how the agent commission structure works, you will understand that normally each agent receives 1.5% totaling 3%, the listing broker then receiving the other 3%. That all totals 6% which is the "unofficial" going rate.

So then, applying other than whacked-out math, the value of the lower-end homes you were inspecting was began at $750,000, most of your market being between $3,000,000 and $8,000,000. Is this right?

People really pay that to live in a palm-infested hurricane zone?

Aaron

Jerry P's advice about reporting specifics is right-on and old timers have learned that "vague" is good in many cases.
I live in an area, SF peninsula, where a 2 bedroom 1 bath 1,400 sq, ft. house built in 1929 starts at 1 mill and goes up from there. Personally I have come to the conclusion that far too many folks have more money than sense.

Originally Posted by Jerry McCarthy

Jerry P's advice about reporting specifics is right-on and old timers have learned that "vague" is good in many cases.
I live in an area, SF peninsula, where a 2 bedroom 1 bath 1,400 sq, ft. house built in 1929 starts at 1 mill and goes up from there. Personally I have come to the conclusion that far too many folks have more money than sense.

JM:

Ah, the no$talgia of it all . . .

Aaron

[quote=Billy Stephens;18505]

Originally Posted by Aaron Miller

Billy

This is he. And who might you be?

Is this no-ASHI-NAHI-NACHI-affiliation-and-no-ICC-certification-Billy-from-Memphis?

Sit back on your porch and pick that banjo, boy


Reply,
Thanks for the plug. Thats me no purchased coupons. No banjo but I do like to sit back on the porch.

Billy:

Glad to be of assistance.

You know that could all stem from a genetic disposition of yours. Judeo-Scottish DNA would certainly account for a decided lack of desire to pay association dues .

You know you can have that checked out nowadays. I'm thinking about sending my wife to have her tested. She howls if I order a bottle of wine at dinner that's more than $20 and makes me drive my old Dodge minvans for 200,000 miles or more before I can get new ones.

Aaron

[quote=Aaron Miller;18534]

Originally Posted by Billy Stephens

Billy:

Glad to be of assistance.

You know that could all stem from a genetic disposition of yours. Judeo-Scottish DNA would certainly account for a decided lack of desire to pay association dues .

You know you can have that checked out nowadays. I'm thinking about sending my wife to have her tested. She howls if I order a bottle of wine at dinner that's more than $20 and makes me drive my old Dodge minvans for 200,000 miles or more before I can get new ones.

Aaron

Aaron,

Glad someone tries to help you keep it together.

Does she butter your head so it doesn't get stuck between the door jams?

[quote=Billy Stephens;18539]

Originally Posted by Aaron Miller

Aaron,

Glad someone tries to help you keep it together.

Does she butter your head so it doesn't get stuck between the door jams?

Billy:

Now there's a visual . . .

Aaron

Aaron sez: "Some of our brethren, like one I will call Sam the Sham (you will know whom I mean here), have practiced this dance so often with the agents in this area that the choreography is flawless. The question simply never even has to be asked."

What started out as a simple enough thread has now became a form of "cyber bullying".

TREC frowns upon attacking other inspectors - Reference
RULE §535.220 Professional Conduct and Ethics
d) The relationship of the inspector with another inspector should at a minimum meet the following guidelines.

(1) The inspector should bind himself to the duty of maintaining fairness and integrity in all dealings with other inspectors and other persons performing real estate inspections.

Hopefully Brian the webmaster will step in soon and nip this in the bud. Everyone that is getting sick of this should drop our gracious webmaster a note.

Originally Posted by Aaron Miller

Jerry:

So then, assuming that you understand how the agent commission structure works, you will understand that normally each agent receives 1.5% totaling 3%, the listing broker then receiving the other 3%. That all totals 6% which is the "unofficial" going rate.

So then, applying other than whacked-out math, the value of the lower-end homes you were inspecting was began at $750,000, most of your market being between $3,000,000 and $8,000,000. Is this right?

People really pay that to live in a palm-infested hurricane zone?

Aaron

I just want to make it known that many realtors in this area get more than 1.5% of the 6%. One realty company around here charges the agent $700 a month and the Reator keeps 90% of that 3% commision. A second option at the same place is charging agents $150 a month and the Realtor keeps 60% of that 3% commision.

On the other side of the scale, there is a Realty company that will pay for almost everything when it comes to being a Realtor with no monthly dues but the company will also take 75% of that 3% (a lot of part-timers work there).

Then there are the Realtors that bring in a lot of business and they make their own agreements on what fees, benefits and commisions they are going to pay/receive.

I don't know about anywhere else, but in this area, that 1 1/2% commision is more exception than the rule.

Originally Posted by Aaron Miller

So then, applying other than whacked-out math, the value of the lower-end homes you were inspecting was began at $750,000, most of your market being between $3,000,000 and $8,000,000. Is this right?

Yep.

With many going over $10-15 mil, and several over $25 mil.

Originally Posted by Jerry Peck

Yep.

With many going over $10-15 mil, and several over $25 mil.

Jerry:

Ouch!

Aaron

Originally Posted by imported_John Smith

Aaron sez: "Some of our brethren, like one I will call Sam the Sham (you will know whom I mean here), have practiced this dance so often with the agents in this area that the choreography is flawless. The question simply never even has to be asked."

What started out as a simple enough thread has now became a form of "cyber bullying".

TREC frowns upon attacking other inspectors - Reference
RULE §535.220 Professional Conduct and Ethics
d) The relationship of the inspector with another inspector should at a minimum meet the following guidelines.

(1) The inspector should bind himself to the duty of maintaining fairness and integrity in all dealings with other inspectors and other persons performing real estate inspections.

Hopefully Brian the webmaster will step in soon and nip this in the bud. Everyone that is getting sick of this should drop our gracious webmaster a note.

Ooh, John, though quiverest my loins! Wanna call TREC? You've got the number, you fickle little man . . .

Aaron

I was talking with an inspector in Dallas. He said one of his clients asked if he could do an inspection in an hour in a half and generate a 50 page report. Then he went on to say that the client said someone recommended a fenestration specialist and a licensed roofing contractor.

Must be gods gift to the inspection world

Originally Posted by imported_John Smith

I was talking with an inspector in Dallas. He said one of his clients asked if he could do an inspection in an hour in a half and generate a 50 page report. Then he went on to say that the client said someone recommended a fenestration specialist and a licensed roofing contractor.

Must be gods gift to the inspection world

John:

I don't want to be your friend either, John. And, if you don't defer to specialists in your reports, you are a fool.

It's easy for you to throw stones from way down there in Chipmunkville. Alvin, is it? Where are Theodore and Simon? Probably the sole broker and agent. A thriving metropolis of 22,000. There are more people living in my subdivision. If you were up here in Dallas I would gladly throw down the gauntlet to see which of us really knows our stuff. You may want to ask around from some of the oldtimers in TREC before you put your money down. It's been tried before . . .

My point is, perhaps things run at a much slower pace where you are. Got all day to do an inspection and chit chat with the folks at the house; carry doughnuts to the agents' meetings; attend all of the TAREI meetings; that sort of thing. I'm happy for you to comport your business in whatever fashion trips your trigger. It doesn't work for me.

If you don't like my attitude, don't respond to my posts. I promise not to respond to yours. Deal?

Aaron

Originally Posted by Aaron Miller

If you don't like my attitude,

Aaron,

That seems to be your standard response to people who disagree with you - you go on the defensive and try to jump all over them.

It didn't work with me, it didn't work with others, and I doubt it will work with John.

There's something to be said about being stubborn and holding your ground, and there's something to be said about being open minded and flexible ... both are good - - - - to a point. Neither is good to excess.

You'd get along with everyone here better if you would chill out a bit.

Originally Posted by Jerry Peck

Aaron,

That seems to be your standard response to people who disagree with you - you go on the defensive and try to jump all over them.

It didn't work with me, it didn't work with others, and I doubt it will work with John.

There's something to be said about being stubborn and holding your ground, and there's something to be said about being open minded and flexible ... both are good - - - - to a point. Neither is good to excess.

You'd get along with everyone here better if you would chill out a bit.

Jerry:

This is me chilled out.

Take a shot across my bow and you get one back. Fair is fair. Don't like my sense of fairness or sense of humor . . . not my problem. You come across a little gruff from time to time yourself. Didn't bother me much. Once I returned your volley, we got along. Didn't we?

Where's the rub?

Aaron

Originally Posted by Aaron Miller

Jerry:

This is me chilled out.

Where's the rub?

Aaron

Oh Help US All.

Originally Posted by Aaron Miller

This is me chilled out.

Take a shot across my bow and you get one back.

Aaron,

The problem is, YOU *take the first shot*, then YOU are dismayed that YOU are not received with warm and open arms.

I had a caller once whose first (and only) question was, "What do you charge for an inspection?" I went through my spiel explaining that all home inspectors are not created equal, the difference between checklist reports and narrative-style reports, you get what you pay for, etc. and gave her my price. She said she had quotes from two other inspectors for $75 less and asked if I could match their price AND do the inspection the next day. (She had waited until the last minute to schedule her inspection.) I told her that my price was not negotiable and perhaps she should hire one of the other inspectors. She said the other two inspectors were not available the next day.

Come on! You can't use a quote someone gave you but they can't do the job. You don't have a quote. I should have told her I would reduce my fee $100 but I was not available and let her shop around for someone who would match it.

Rather than waste any more time with the woman I simply told her that I would be unable to do her inspection and wished her good luck. (To be honest, I wouldn't want to do her inspection for my full fee. People as irrational as her are bound to be trouble down the road.)

A few more that have come to me since I asked the original question are:

(1) Prospective client calls and immediately asks: "Is this your cell phone?"

(2) The first words out of the would-be client's mouth are: "Is this an inspection Company, or are you a sole proprietor?"

(3) Again, first thing out of the chute: "Do you carry errors and omissions insurance?"

I won't go into detail regarding the responses I have in store for them, this being the decidedly P.C. forum that it is. Let's just suffice it to say that they will forever remain "prospective clients".

Aaron

Originally Posted by Aaron Miller

Let's just suffice it to say that they will forever remain "prospective clients".

For me, they *did not even* remain "prospective" clients. But, somehow, I think that is what you meant too.

Just a few--

Her: "My realtor told me that all houses have leaks in the roof and since these leaks you found aren't coming down into the house... they're ok, right?" Because they're not leaking-leaking...

Her: "Were going to buy it anyway-- OH I JUST LOVE IT, so anything you find, just put it in your report and we'll look at it later-on"

Him: "Hey, how sturdy is the attic.... I'm into paintball and I'd like to do some target practice up there?"

rr

Originally Posted by Aaron Miller

A few more that have come to me since I asked the original question are:

(1) Prospective client calls and immediately asks: "Is this your cell phone?"

(2) The first words out of the would-be client's mouth are: "Is this an inspection Company, or are you a sole proprietor?"

(3) Again, first thing out of the chute: "Do you carry errors and omissions insurance?"

I won't go into detail regarding the responses I have in store for them, this being the decidedly P.C. forum that it is. Let's just suffice it to say that they will forever remain "prospective clients".

Aaron

I would and have taken a different tact.

Let's go one by one.

(1) Prospective client calls and immediately asks: "Is this your cell phone?"

Yes, it is. I don't need an office phone because I generally don't inspect my office. It is more cost effective, efficient, and I am only a phone call away if any Client has any questions.

(2) The first words out of the would-be client's mouth are: "Is this an inspection Company, or are you a sole proprietor?"

I tell them I am a company, hence the INC. after Magnum Inspections. I would then ask why that is a concern? I will be performing your inspection and since I am the only one in the company, you won't have far to look if you have questions.

(3) Again, first thing out of the chute: "Do you carry errors and omissions insurance?"

I answer, no, I have never needed it in almost 20 years. I then ask why it is a concern?

Generally, the answers I get when I ask the potential Client why are the above questions important to you, they respond, "It was on a list of questions I should ask".

On occasion, some have relayed horror stories and usually, when they give the name of the company that did the inspection, I am not surprised. On the house that started the electrical "box war" I described the inspector and the Sellers asked "how did you know it was him?" I responded that there was only one inspector that I know of that can do an inspection in 15 minutes.

One other Seller insisted that I sign a waiver and he followed me around like a hawk. After the inspection, I asked him why? He told me that another inspector had fallen off of a roof on a previous home and sued his insurance company.

I have found over my years that the majority of our clients are good honest people. There is the 10% that are just looking for something for free. I had one guy that wanted me to write up something that was out of the scope of the inspection. It was when I used to do the reports on-site. He insisted that I put this item in the report. I said no, I won't do it. I then said you can keep the report...no charge and left.
His father sent me a check with an additional $50.00 and apologized for his son. I sent the $50.00 back.

Irate agent phone call: "your inspection cost me the sale of that house!"
Me: "Wrong dear, the conditions of that house cost you the sale."