"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

— Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

— Clarence Darrow

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

— Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

— Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

— Oscar Wilde

" I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."

— Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man who worships his creator."

— John Bright

"I just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."

— Irvin S. Cobb

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

— William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play. Bring a friend — if you have one."

— From George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night. Will attend second night — if there is one."

— Churchill's response to Shaw

"He is not only dull himself — he is the cause of dullness in others."

— Samuel Jackson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."

— Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy."

— Walter Kerr

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

— Mae West

"Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee."

— Lady Astor, to Winston Churchill, at a dinner party:

"Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it."

— Churchill's reply to Lady Astor

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