Thread: Women as explained by engineers

There were more parts to this e-mail, but the rest did not come in right.

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Now that is funny. Thanks for the laugh, Jerry!

The MSDS is absolutely priceless...

rr

Careful with this, gotta give equal billing here.

----------------------

> Subject: Fwd: Oil change. Women vs. men.

>
> Instructions on how to change the oil in your car -
> FOR WOMEN
> 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches
> 3,000 miles since
> the last oil change.
> 2) Drink a cup of coffee.
> 3) 15 mins. later write a check and leave w/a
> properly maintained
> vehicle.
> MONEY SPENT
> Oil Change $20.00
> Coffee $1.00
> TOTAL $21.00
>
> OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS - FOR MEN
> (THIS WILL TAKE SOME TIME TO READ BECAUSE OF HOW
> GOOD MEN DO AN OIL CHANGE!!!!!)
>
> 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store &
> buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand
> cleaner & a scented tree, write a check for $50 00.
>
> 2) Stop by 7-11 & buy a case of beer, write a check
> for $20.00, drive home.
> 3) Open a beer & drink it.
> 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 mins. looking for jack
> stands.
> 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> 6) In frustration, open another beer & drink it.
> 7) Place drain pan under engine.
> 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> 9) Give up & use crescent wrench.
> 10) Unscrew drain plug.
> 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot
> oil on U in the process.
> 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of
> face & arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
> 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
> 15) Give up; crawl under car & hammer a screwdriver
> through oil filter & twist off.
> 16) Crawl out from under car w/dripping oil filter
> splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide
> old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid
> environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
> 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer w/him.
> Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so U can go see
> his new garage door opener.
> 18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the
> oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from
> underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in
> backyard instead of taking it to be recycle!
> 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step
> 18.
> 20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
> 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
> 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a
> thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
> 23) Dump 1st quart of fresh oil into engine.
> 24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
> 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> 26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole
> in the back yard along w/drain plug.
> 27) Drink beer.
> 28) Shovel out hole & sift oily mud for drain plug.
> Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids
> sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground &
> avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in
> lawnmower gas.
> 29) Discover that 1st quart of fresh oil is now on
> the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
> 30) Drink beer.
> 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes.
> Wipe eyes w/oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip
> w/stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug &
> bang knuckles on frame.
> 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
> 33) Begin cussing fit.
> 34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> 35) Cuss for additional 10 mins.
> 36) Beer.
> 37) Clean up hands & forehead & bandage as required
> to stop blood flow.
> 38) Beer.
> 39) Beer.
> 40) Dump in 5 fresh quarts of oil.
> 41) Beer.
> 42) Lower car from jack stands.
> 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor
> oil.
> 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to
> fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
> 45) Beer.
> 46) Test drive car.
> 47) Get pulled over & arrested for driving under the
> influence.
> 48) Car gets impounded.
> 49) Call loving wife, make bail.
> 50) 12 hrs. later, get car from impound yard.
>
> MONEY SPENT
> Parts $50.00
> DUI $2,500.00
> Impound fee $75.00
> Bail $1,500.00
> Beer $40.00
> TOTAL -- $4,165.00
>
> BUT U KNOW THE JOB WAS DONE
> RIGHT!!
>

Eric,

Yeah, but there is big difference there ...

In the 'Go to GAP Buy pair of pants' the woman *NEVER MADE IT* into the GAP store - hit every store EXCEPT the GAP store. At least the guy got the oil changed.

Jerry
I needed a good laugh, today was hard.