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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    Default Women as explained by engineers

    There were more parts to this e-mail, but the rest did not come in right.

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    Jerry Peck, Construction / Litigation Consultant
    Construction Litigation Consultants, LLC ( www.ConstructionLitigationConsultants.com )
    www.AskCodeMan.com

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Richmond, VA
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    32

    Default Re: Women as explained by engineers

    Now that is funny. Thanks for the laugh, Jerry!


  3. #3
    Richard Rushing's Avatar
    Richard Rushing Guest

    Default Re: Women as explained by engineers

    The MSDS is absolutely priceless...

    rr


  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Lake Barrington, IL
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    1,363

    Default Re: Women as explained by engineers

    Careful with this, gotta give equal billing here.

    ----------------------

    > Subject: Fwd: Oil change. Women vs. men.

    >
    > Instructions on how to change the oil in your car -
    > FOR WOMEN
    > 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches
    > 3,000 miles since
    > the last oil change.
    > 2) Drink a cup of coffee.
    > 3) 15 mins. later write a check and leave w/a
    > properly maintained
    > vehicle.
    > MONEY SPENT
    > Oil Change $20.00
    > Coffee $1.00
    > TOTAL $21.00
    >
    > OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS - FOR MEN
    > (THIS WILL TAKE SOME TIME TO READ BECAUSE OF HOW
    > GOOD MEN DO AN OIL CHANGE!!!!!)
    >
    > 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store &
    > buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand
    > cleaner & a scented tree, write a check for $50 00.
    >
    > 2) Stop by 7-11 & buy a case of beer, write a check
    > for $20.00, drive home.
    > 3) Open a beer & drink it.
    > 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 mins. looking for jack
    > stands.
    > 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
    > 6) In frustration, open another beer & drink it.
    > 7) Place drain pan under engine.
    > 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
    > 9) Give up & use crescent wrench.
    > 10) Unscrew drain plug.
    > 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot
    > oil on U in the process.
    > 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of
    > face & arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
    > 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
    > 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
    > 15) Give up; crawl under car & hammer a screwdriver
    > through oil filter & twist off.
    > 16) Crawl out from under car w/dripping oil filter
    > splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide
    > old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid
    > environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
    > 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer w/him.
    > Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so U can go see
    > his new garage door opener.
    > 18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the
    > oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from
    > underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in
    > backyard instead of taking it to be recycle!
    > 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step
    > 18.
    > 20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
    > 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
    > 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a
    > thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
    > 23) Dump 1st quart of fresh oil into engine.
    > 24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
    > 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    > 26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole
    > in the back yard along w/drain plug.
    > 27) Drink beer.
    > 28) Shovel out hole & sift oily mud for drain plug.
    > Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids
    > sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground &
    > avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in
    > lawnmower gas.
    > 29) Discover that 1st quart of fresh oil is now on
    > the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
    > 30) Drink beer.
    > 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes.
    > Wipe eyes w/oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip
    > w/stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug &
    > bang knuckles on frame.
    > 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
    > 33) Begin cussing fit.
    > 34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
    > 35) Cuss for additional 10 mins.
    > 36) Beer.
    > 37) Clean up hands & forehead & bandage as required
    > to stop blood flow.
    > 38) Beer.
    > 39) Beer.
    > 40) Dump in 5 fresh quarts of oil.
    > 41) Beer.
    > 42) Lower car from jack stands.
    > 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor
    > oil.
    > 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to
    > fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
    > 45) Beer.
    > 46) Test drive car.
    > 47) Get pulled over & arrested for driving under the
    > influence.
    > 48) Car gets impounded.
    > 49) Call loving wife, make bail.
    > 50) 12 hrs. later, get car from impound yard.
    >
    > MONEY SPENT
    > Parts $50.00
    > DUI $2,500.00
    > Impound fee $75.00
    > Bail $1,500.00
    > Beer $40.00
    > TOTAL -- $4,165.00
    >
    > BUT U KNOW THE JOB WAS DONE
    > RIGHT!!
    >

    Eric Barker, ACI
    Lake Barrington, IL

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Ormond Beach, Florida
    Posts
    25,317

    Default Re: Women as explained by engineers

    Eric,

    Yeah, but there is big difference there ...

    In the 'Go to GAP Buy pair of pants' the woman *NEVER MADE IT* into the GAP store - hit every store EXCEPT the GAP store. At least the guy got the oil changed.



    Jerry Peck, Construction / Litigation Consultant
    Construction Litigation Consultants, LLC ( www.ConstructionLitigationConsultants.com )
    www.AskCodeMan.com

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Columbus GA
    Posts
    3,741

    Default Re: Women as explained by engineers

    Jerry
    I needed a good laugh, today was hard.

    ' correct a wise man and you gain a friend... correct a fool and he'll bloody your nose'.

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