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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Caledon, Ontario
    Posts
    4,982

    Default Now for some levity - Disorder in the Court

    These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.



    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

    WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

    WITNESS: My name is Susan!

    _______________________________


    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    ____________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

    ____________________________________


    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

    WITNESS: July 18th.

    ATTORNEY: What year?

    WITNESS: Every year.

    _____________________________________


    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

    WITNESS: Forty-five years.

    _________________________________


    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

    WITNESS: I forget.

    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    ____________________________________


    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

    WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ.

    _________________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    WITNESS: Are you shitting me?


    _________________________________________


    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

    WITNESS: Getting laid

    _________________________________________


    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

    WITNESS: None.

    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

    WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

    _________________________________________


    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

    WITNESS: By death.

    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

    WITNESS: Take a guess.

    _________________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

    _____________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

    _______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend?

    WITNESS: Oral.

    _________________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.

    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

    _________________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Ormond Beach, Florida
    Posts
    27,293

    Default Re: Now for some levity - Disorder in the Court

    Always enjoy those as it verifies that life really IS stranger than fiction!



    Jerry Peck
    Construction Litigation Consultant ( www.ConstructionLitigationConsultants.com )
    www.AskCodeMan.com

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Caledon, Ontario
    Posts
    4,982

    Default Re: Now for some levity - Disorder in the Court

    Merry Christmas Jerry!

    All the best to you, and yours.


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