death, taxes and ... - InspectionNews

Jerry Peck · #1 (**permalink**) 12-26-2007, 06:38 PM

The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties. "May I help you?" she asked.

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.

"No. I must see Valerie," he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row - too expensive - and there were no discounts. The price was still $5,000... Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs... After their session, Valerie questioned the man "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.

The man replied, " South Carolina. "

"Really" she said, "I have family in South Carolina "

"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death.

2. Taxes.

3. Being screwed by a lawyer

Jerry McCarthy · #2 (**permalink**) 12-26-2007, 07:20 PM

2006 Really Dumb Legal Judgment Awards: 1st Place:
This year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago (RV) motor home. On her first trip home, having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The Winniebago Company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.
(probably not true, but who knows?)

Jerry Peck · #3 (**permalink**) 12-26-2007, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jerry McCarthy

(probably not true, but who knows?)

I'm sure that is 'Not true'.

The first time I heard that was in the late 1960s-to-early 1970's when I was in Gainesville, Florida - it related to a guy in Jacksonville, Florida having just picked up a motor home ... he set the cruise control and went to make a cup of coffee. Except he didn't sue, he just felt rather foolish after totaling his new motor home ... but it was insured, so it was replaced.

It may have been true back then (probably was, that's how things get started much of the time - having been true in some way at one time) and has been altered and keeps making the rounds.

Jerry McCarthy · #4 (**permalink**) 12-27-2007, 08:52 AM

Old but still worth repeating:

A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asked, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?"

"No," the coroner replied.

The attorney then asked, "Did you listen for a heart beat?"

The coroner said, "No."

"Did you check for breathing?", asked the attorney.

Again the coroner replied, "No."

The attorney asked, "So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"

The coroner, now tired of the brow beating said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."