Thread: Blonde Joke

Blonde Handywoman

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handywoman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You' re finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus".

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Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $599. This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them!

Thanks to Apple, everyone is now happy.

A blonde plopped down in the hair dresser’s chair for a “do.”
The hairdresser asked her to take off her earphones.
The blonde declined.
The hairdresser insisted.
The blonde still declined.
In a fit of anger after a long arduous day the hairdresser yanked the blonde’s earphones off after which the blonde fell out of the chair on to the floor and stopped breathing.
The hairdressers called 911 and the fire department arrived first, which is the usual case around these parts.
As they where performing CPR one of the fireman noticed her earphone lying on the floor and picked them up and listened to what he though would be some tunes.
What he actually heard was; “Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out.”

Q: What do you call a blond haired skeleton discovered in the back of a closet?

A: 1999 Miss Hide-&-Go-Seek Champion!

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the girl next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm blonde and the bartender is blonde. The girl you have been flirting with for the last 30 minutes is blonde. The guy sitting next to me is a blonde, 6' 2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6' 5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Funny Beer Advertisement

A young blonde from Louisiana was on vacation and driving through the
Florida Everglades. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator
shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices
the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude
of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll
just have to go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of
shoes for free!" The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little
lady, go give it a shot!"

The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch her an
alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he pulled over to
the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing
waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he
spots a huge 9 foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning
speed, she takes aim, and nails it right between the eyes and hauls it
onto the slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were 7 more carcasses,
all lying on their backs.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The
blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto it's back. Rolling her eyes
heaven-ward and screaming in great frus! tration, she shouts
out............................................... ......................
......................
.................................................. ......................
.......................

"****...THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!!!!!!!!


Rich

Experiment time!

I've now tried the first posted joke in several settings, all couples. The guys bust up right away. I get a blank stare from the women. Then a woman who has heard it before explains it and the women present chuckle. And I haven't even gotten to a Blonde yet.