gynecologist joke

[John Arnold]

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial; he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached,the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I'm grateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."

After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career."

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[Michael Thomas]

Heh.

Blond joke I heard recently:

-------------

Three strangers are sitting at a bar: a blond, a brunette, and a redhead.

They get to talking, and after a few drinks they begin a friendly argument over which has the dumbest wife.

The brunette says, "My wife is so dumb, she went out and bought 200 pounds of sirloin steak just cause' was on sale.

"The refrigerator could only hold about 20, and we had to give the rest away the neighbors before it went bad."

The redhead nods sympathetically, but then says, "Aw, that's nothing - I sold my boat last winter, and two weeks later I found out my wife had taken the money and bought herself a Porsche!

"What's so dumb about that?" says the blond.

"She ordered one with a stick shift, and she can't drive stick. So she let my son son use it for the weekend, and he managed to put about 400 miles on it, then he scraped up the side of it pulling into the garage.

"I lost $7,000 on a car, and I'm lucky the dealer took it back at all."

"Well", that is pretty bad..." says the blond "but my wife has got em' both beat."

"Every year, she takes a two-week vacation with her girlfriends in Crete."

"So, what's dumb about that?"

"Well, for starters she never enjoys it. Comes back every year, bitches about what a lousy time she had and how lucky I was not to go, and meanwhile it takes us a couple months to pay off the card. But next year, her girlfriends ask, and every year she goes anyway.

"I'll bet those vacations have cost us $50,000. over the years, and she doesn't work".

"Well", commiserate the other two "... that is pretty bad... "

"But that's not the worst of it..." says the Blond.

"Every time I think she's being about as dumb as she can be, she does something that tops it".

"Like what?"

"Well, this time when she was packing I saw her stuff about 10 boxes of condoms into her bag.

"I mean, how stupid is that?

"She hasn't even got a d**k".

[Rick Hurst]

Those are good. Here's my contribution.

It called "Thats when the fight started"
__________________________________________________ _____

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....



I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....



Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the
dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
& And then the fight started ...



A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy
****. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He
smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast
as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the
woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started.....



I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....


A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....





I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend
. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security offic e.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...



When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...



My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 160 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...



My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...